Author: ГАТАУЛИНА АЛИЯ УСМАНОВНА | GATAULINA ALIYA
The head?
I love the cold wind so much.,
Dank snow
And the icy sun.
And I cherish the emptiness in my soul,
What allows the heart to,
What's knocking so fast,
Forget about your sorrows
And freeze for a moment.
In the breath of such a warm winter,
I hear a bright bird's call,
I see a bird
that flies through the storm
to tear out my eyes.
I hear the rustle of her wings,
that they want to push me off.
I can feel her paws
tearing out my insides.
Oh
, how happy I am, I am so happy for the first time.
Overwhelmed by anxiety
, I do not hide my heart
anymore, there is no need to hide a piece
that was killed only by me,
by myself.
I destroyed my own world,
a world built on lies,
destroyed by freedom,
which ate all my eyes,
my hopes and dreams,
my anxiety and sadness.
But is it true that I am sad,
that I am sad because of the emptiness inside?
Oh no, I revel
in her as much as the scum did not revel
in her lost role.
I truly live only in emptiness,
which kills all the insides
and devours the senses.
I love snow and ice,
That they keep you warm at night.
I hate the sun.,
What burns the eyes
And makes you live…
Note by an unknown person (found in a white suitcase)
Chapter 1.
"Today is the 189th day of 2099, the time is 12:51, the weather is sunny and beautiful as always, keep your suitcases in order for the benefit of humanity and its filling will definitely please you in the future, because the law of karma does not slumber" - the voice woke up all residents of Alpha city.
It is important for working people to pack their things, carefully take their suitcases and go to the place of money extraction, because they provide access to all the benefits of this world, which is fair. Happy people, whose smile had an appeal, performed the work assigned to them with a sense of pride and importance, as it should have been. A family was waiting for them, in which order and joy reigned. The workers' suitcase was unremarkable, filled with papers, a tie and pens. The heads of state took care of the citizens and loved them, because this is their duty and obligation. Culture fostered rational and useful ideals, embodied the world of the future and its joy. The clergy peacefully preached their ideas to support people who want to become even happier. An equal society has contributed to the development and growth of people in all aspects. A society built on the soul is a true society, a society that people have dreamed of creating for centuries.
Chapter 2.
The world of the soul, the world of paradise, the world of justice and honesty, the world promised and presented, the angelic land created by demons for themselves. People lived in this world, this world created for people by people.
The main human flaw is the body and soul, which are subject to change, doubt, death, destruction and at the same time, recreation and birth. The desire to live forever accompanied a person all the conscious time of existence. Curiosity, greed, envy, and hatred have created a man seeking the elixir of immortality. Perhaps this aspiration could have been lost over time if a person, along with technological progress, made qualitative improvements to morality and its level per person, however, the scale of morality did not fluctuate from improving the quality of life, temporary variables appeared that changed the features and insides, but did not eradicate rot in the depths of the soul. This is how man carried the desire for eternal life through his entire history, the story of an incomplete being filled to the brim with emptiness that wanted to fill itself, to make up for the loss of something long ago and already forgotten. An emptiness that lives and torments the soul with its irrationality, because eternal life is eternal suffering in a world filled not only with joy and happiness, but also with an all-consuming horror that kills a child.
Perhaps a person would have dreamed of eternity further, if only in 2085 someone unknown had not died next to a travel suitcase, inside which lay an air purification device that safely inhaled the "soul" of the poor guy, or as it is commonly called in the era of "boxes" object-000, as unity the insides of a person. This accident has led to irreversible consequences for all mankind. One of the main secrets was discovered, and even in this way. A person has a soul, and it is necessary for human existence. The ideas of anthropocentrism rekindled in the blood, the desire to rule over oneself, the idea of having a power equal to God, all this awoke in man again, after many years of distraction from the gut and the transition to technology and progress for the benefit of man, forgetting about the man himself and his unknown part, the part that makes him incomprehensible and endless.
After the unexpected discovery, the entire scientific world began to explore the "soul". Its properties, appearance, color, smell, nature and essence. Philosophical ideas, once considered nonsense, have now become a reality and the possibility of changing the very nature of man. The race of discoveries is a common phenomenon and even basic for great achievements, whoever gets to the truth first will become a god who has power over life itself. In the search for life, a person has lost many lives that have already been accomplished, lives that exist and once lived. The discovery took place at the united base of all countries, located somewhere far away in the forest, among pines and birches, rivers and clouds, so to speak, at the mercy of nature, man discovered his nature. According to the results, the soul was the trinity of man himself as a being of biological, spiritual and human society, or rather a social construct and an unknown beginning, which exists only in the stars located deep in space, so the romantic and sublime part of man was confirmed that everyone is a microcosm. Awareness of nature was only the first step towards achieving true power. So the next step was to subordinate nature to man himself. The developments went further, the soul was transferred from a non-permanent biological shell to a replaceable and convenient suitcase, in honor of the discoverer, so the soul still alive no longer suffered from biological needs and the body, which ages and is destroyed from its effects. As you know, the soul is a poison for the body, because it changes through the absorption of living cells and recycling put them in a new branch.
This discovery has completely changed people's lives, forced them to become something new and hitherto unknown, a creature that lives forever and invariably. The soul that was the beginning of everything was now imprisoned in a free prison. The body that suffered from the parasite was freed and could live for a long time, incredibly long compared to the old term, but the term was still limited by the ruling elite.
For a clearer picture, it is necessary to describe the world after this discovery. The technology of soul liberation was surprisingly simple, which led to its mandatory and easy acceptance by the majority, religions did not resist, calling it a gift from God and reinforcing the theory of the divinity of the soul. The mass transition began in 2091, after the establishment of mass production of equipment and the completion of the creation of an apparatus for automatic operation. First of all, the souls were extracted from prominent figures in all spheres, after the rest, which led to a deterioration of the situation in society, the further situation only worsened the situation. A wave of riots rose all over the planet, the unwillingness to put up with the queue and the injustice of the new system resulted in massive terrorist attacks, the victims of which were many innocent people. In order to prevent further escalation of the conflict, a new segregation system based on the beauty of the soul was developed. The criteria were the external component, the beauty of the vessel and its attractiveness, the correspondence of the filling with the sphere of activity, attributed to adults and a harmonious combination of two characteristics, which represented an ideal soul. This system has determined both the quality of life and its duration. The minimum duration was 200 years, and the maximum was not set, only the owner of a truly great soul could decide how long he would live.
The spiritual sphere underwent the greatest change, a person who had not kept up with life up to that moment, or rather its course, which was becoming more and more rapid, was now absorbed by time even more, everything was undergoing changes. Man realized his infinity, but at the same time he lost sight of the inside and the possibility of development, and along with the rest, the possibility of realizing himself outside the framework that the world first built, and he obeyed, desired them and accepted, now it was difficult to call a man a man, so he was renamed vivuscapsula (from Latin.vivus live and capsula bag), and in the common people viv or legs. Art has become anthropocentric again, man has risen, after many years of fear and uncertainty for his fate, at least at first glance. So along with the changes that seemed to change everything, nothing really changed. Even after becoming a leg, a person did not get rid of the sinful nature that accompanied him from the moment he appeared on pure earth, his vices, horrors and darkness that were hidden in the soul, which in turn was hidden in the body, now lived freely, generating even more chaos than before, the unlimited soul led to a surge in crime in the world the physical shell was no longer appreciated by a person and her diseases began to touch him little, because the beauty of the body, which is useless, was no longer appreciated, but this did not mean that all diseases had come to naught. Yes, of course, the diseases caused by the soul disappeared, but the diseases of the mortal body remained, their neglect led to a surge in deaths and a decrease in the population, which has not grown in the last 50 years, as a result of fear of the future and increased responsibility, and with the advent of the suitcase, the increase became negative. It is logical that there were those who did not accept this reform, but they were. Mother Nature, who was cared for throughout the second half of the 21st century, then listened to new plans for her protection, saw the birth of a new one that was useful to her, the death of the old one, which was her child, raised with hard work and love. Speaking of the capitalist world, it has not changed, one can even say it has become even more rational, people, having separated the shell from themselves, no longer paid so much attention to it, which, as a reasonable result, turned a person into a tool for the soul to their detriment.
Chapter 3.
It's raining outside, I'll take an umbrella, my favorite, with a cloud on it. The umbrella, being a relic of the past, gave me aesthetic pleasure, reminding me of the time of my ancestors, who organized races under drops and cute dates in soaked clothes.
I wiped the suitcase last night, the white color pleases the eye, reminds of a cloud that floats freely in the sky, having no pretensions and knowing its purpose and duty.
The appearance meets expectations, it's time to hit the road.
The office, neatly tidied by the "sege", smelled of lavender and gently filled the mind with the charm of nature.
There is a lot of work, there is no time.
The job is done perfectly, the office is abandoned.
I returned home, wiped my suitcase, went to bed.
Sunny, light wind is present.
I wiped the suitcase last night, the white color pleases the eye, reminds me of a cloud that floats freely in the sky.
The appearance meets expectations, it's time to hit the road.
The office, neatly tidy, smelled of lavender and gently filled the mind with the charm of nature.
There is a lot of work, there is no time.
The job is done perfectly, the office is abandoned.
I returned home, wiped my suitcase, went to bed.
It's windy.
I wiped the suitcase last night, the white color pleases the eye, reminds me of a cloud.
It's time to hit the road.
The office, neatly tidied up, smelled of lavender.
There is a lot of work, there is no time.
The job is done, the office is abandoned.
I returned home, wiped my suitcase, went to bed.
Sunny.
I wiped the suitcase last night.
On the way.
The office is tidy.
Work.
The job is done.
I went to bed.
Woke up…
Woke up…
Woke up…
I woke up, but I wish I hadn't done it.…
I fell asleep…
Slept…
Slept…
I wish I hadn't woken up.…
What did you wake up for…
Where am I going…
I do not know who I am…
A reflection, but who is in it…
Am I a human being or not anymore…
Tired…
The cat died…
It's my fault, I didn't feed and I didn't love…
It's not true, I loved…
My love killed her.…
Who killed me…
Who…
Chapter 3.1.
I am the most ordinary journalist, I work for the most ordinary company, I do the most ordinary job, which is no different from the work of any other journalist. Most of the time, I interview important people who are doing important work that is certainly useful to society. I always try to be polite and smiling, not to interfere with others in their affairs and aspirations, until recently I lived with a cat named Marusya, which my late mother gave me. And this story, if you can call it that, is about me.
Chapter 4.
I was born in 2070, so I remember a time without suitcases, I found confusion due to their appearance and introduction. He saw the restructuring of society, the birth of a new person and the appearance of a baby without a soul (his soul was transferred to a vessel before birth). A truly amazing time. I found the past, lived in the present and saw the future that many dreamed of. My suitcase turned out to be quite strange, white, as if snow had just fallen, and empty, it had no interior, despite my adulthood. Empty suitcases are inherent in children and teenagers in the active phase of rebellion, I have not fit into these categories for a long time. Then the experts said that it would pass, the inside would appear, and I began to wait, to wait painfully and disgustingly long. I was working in a new world, listening to people enjoying it, having the most beautiful suitcases, with eyes full of stars and love for the world. With suitcases and bags, whose mouth emitted the stench of hell, whose hands created new things and took away. They all amazed me, their suitcases were beautiful, full of everything and everything, but they always seemed to me half-empty, as if there was something in them, something that revealed them as "I". I tried to seek advice from my colleagues, but everyone insisted that the suitcase was the most complete reflection of a person and his essence. I agreed and silently went into thought, long, sometimes seeming to me eternal, corroding my empty womb. I thought a lot, trying to understand that there is a person, that there is a suitcase, that there is a world in which we live. A world in which the suitcase and its shine shine brighter than the person himself, a person who does not know and is not looking for himself, because he has already been found, understood and kissed…
In search of an answer, I turned to a place where no one should ever go, a place for the abandoned, a place not accepted by society, a place for others who did not accept the new world and its rules. The city of Sodom is a city that God will punish for his sin.
Chapter 5.
...I love rain, its noise, moments, cold, consequences, freshness, purity, sinfulness and dirt. His drops are like tears flowing down the face of a slave of himself, who is offended and abandoned by the world. His purity is like the words of a man. The ringing of everyday death reminds us of the essence and course of life. The seas he left in the middle of the land are the birth of the new from the old for the benefit of the future. The appearance is like a new beginning, which is only a continuation of the old one. It was in the rain that the small and empty white suitcase arrived in Sodom.
The muffled clatter of the wheels of a small suitcase accompanied a man in a bright suit, with a smile like the ocean, insanely beautiful and terribly frightening unknown. The cane accompanied his step, which seemed to be able to circumnavigate the entire planet with its greatness. The ocean man was chatting casually with a small suitcase that had respect for the huge suitcase that the cane was carrying. Incredible horror, envy and admiration blazed in the interior of the reed (that's what the ocean man called his luggage). The conversation was of a secular nature, it exuded the ease and emptiness of ballroom evenings, the ambiguity and hypocrisy of high-profile conversations, the smile and glances of the oversaturated. The suitcase was embarrassed by the attention of such an important person, his mind was clouded, and his eyes were running in search of support that would save him from looking empty and sinful, like everything in this place.
An incredibly beautiful woman was walking to meet them, carefully carrying a glass suitcase in her arms. The wind played with her hair, the skirts of her dress streamed like waves, the tapping of her heels was like the ringing of church bells. Small stature, slender body, neat mouth and huge eyes that attracted attention with their beauty. It seemed that the sun's rays were reflected in her eyes, they radiated such a warm and pleasant light. The light attracts moths, I wanted to look at her eyes, I wanted her to look only at you, I wanted to understand their secret, that riddle, but you can't look at the sun, it will destroy you. The little suitcase hastily looked away, something frightening made him shudder with horror and anxiety.
The woman-eyes smiled sweetly at the ocean man, whose gaze expressed obvious dissatisfaction with her presence, the cane passed from her left hand to her right, the body leaned on her, his whole interior turned into an incomprehensible anxiety, which was reflected in a smile frozen on a pale face. The small suitcase shrank in fright and because of this it began to seem even smaller. The eyes carefully placed a glass suitcase, which turned out to be quite impressive in the vicinity, took a white suitcase and left.
The ocean man took a long breath, the wind changed, clouds came up, there was a dankness. The cane took out a handkerchief with bright embroidery, threw it over the glass, gently lifted it and followed.
The frightened, lost and agitated suitcase rolled next to the beauty, but her gaze was not directed at him, her gaze sought into the distance, unknown to anyone else, and perhaps her gaze, which once seemed to him sunny and full of life, in fact was an immense cosmos in which there is no place for vanity and everyday life, a place in which where there is no pain and sadness, because in the unknown there is only emptiness, beautiful and frightening, striking in its purity and disgust, like everything in this sinful place.
His eyes took the suitcase to a building that looked like a cafe. Tables, chairs, umbrellas, books torn to shreds, toys that participated in far from childish games, bodies that could hardly be called human, clothes scattered and cut up. The frightening place caused the suitcase to shrink even more in size. At the far table sat a schoolboy, surrounded by younger children, teenagers and something vaguely resembling a human, but on closer inspection, "it" was a huge doll dressed in rags, with a torn face. The student did not approach the white suitcase, which surprised the latter. The woman brought the white one to the child and left. Appraising, frightened, lost, empty, crying, happy, amazed, sad, inspired, they rushed to the suitcase. An incomprehensible, previously unknown pain spread through his body, his breathing became confused, his eyes blurred, and the exhausted suitcase fell. The student got up from his chair, and the chain rattled. The child picked up a white suitcase, dusted it off, put it on the table, dropping all the dishes, which, spinning in a dance of death, fell to the ground. The suitcase, still feeling pain, turned his gaze to the student and was surprised to notice that the child had no face. The head rested on the neck, the hair framed the face, but there were no eyes, no nose, no mouth. It seemed that the boy felt the tension of the white one, but instead of hiding, he pressed himself against his forehead. The child smelled of absolutely everything that is familiar to man: pancakes, water, rain, grass, wood, a new book, paint, cigarettes, alcohol, poverty, wealth, joy, sadness, blood, chocolate, death…
The suitcase felt bad, it seemed like its insides were dying, the air was filled with the smell of grief and loss. Its once-white surface turned gray, dirty gray, as if it had been rolled in tobacco smoke, mud and storm clouds. His thoughts were confused, his eyes wandered aimlessly and constantly stumbled upon the empty face of the child, the suitcase could not cry, his body was shaking from overflowing emotions, among which grief was most clearly visible, so bottomless and boundless that it could drown the whole world for the second time. Consciousness was slipping away, every part of his body was shrinking under his weight. The child distanced himself, either from the realization of the fact that the suitcase was dying, or maybe hugs bored the child's nature. A loud exhale escaped from the inside of the white one, the body went limp and heavy, the doll took the suitcase and carried it inside the "cafe".
The little one woke up, his body refused to obey, and the sight of the faceless one next to him did not bring hope for a miraculous salvation into the situation at all. The suitcase sat down, his gaze fell on the boy's suitcase, it was held by a doll. This "something" was constantly changing its shape, then a school backpack, then a garbage bag, then a valise, then unexpectedly a chest with a lock. These metamorphoses did not stop. Tired of watching something incomprehensible, the suitcase stole a glance at the doll, which aroused no less interest, because now its image has changed. Her pretty face, neat hands and feet, and magical dress made her look like a princess of a fairy tale, which is usually read to children at night. Belenky involuntarily stared at her, her beauty beckoned and evoked pleasant and dear memories. The warmth of her mother's hands, a delicious pie on the table that burned her tongue, New Year's gifts, a painful bruise, a wound that stung from the greenery. The doll turned her gaze to the suitcase, which involuntarily recoiled from surprise. The sudden movement made his head spin, and he was saved from falling by an eye Woman who had just come to the cafe. The boy went to the suitcase and gave the book back, it seemed to the white boy that the schoolboy was smiling. The book was in terrible condition, the sheets tried to fall out, the spine, if this remnant can be called that, apparently held on a thread that peeked out from the glued pages, the cover resembled a pancake overgrown with mold, this creature was even difficult to hold. However, the suitcase could not throw it away, because for the sake of "this" he came to Sodom. The path of the suitcase passed through a cursed place where fallen personalities lived, all of them were once the embodiment of holiness, not just for the sake of finding adventures to their bottom. He had been searching for the truth of this world for a long time, the truth that was buried, the truth that everyone agreed to lose in the hope of a bright future. Although such a lofty goal was only a cover for a selfish desire to understand oneself, to escape from the realization of the impossibility of one's own happiness because of eating the fruit of knowledge, which a person should not taste. After all, knowledge of oneself and the world is a sign of a disease of the soul.
Chapter 6.
The city of Sodom consisted of those whose souls were too strong and unstable, people who were themselves always and never, those who lost and found themselves, constantly sought their soul in order to kill it, and then glue and recreate it at will. The heroes that the white suitcase met were exactly like that.
A vivid image of a scientist who is trying to understand the world and its components, a man who forgot about society and lived alone for the benefit of science, someone who could not express the feelings familiar to a person, but could embrace the whole world with his gaze. Someone who was not looking for himself, but lost in the insignificance and unimportance of a person.
The image of an ideal woman who goes hand in hand with a man, pleases and pleases him, an attribute of a man, so she was brought up, so beautiful and so sad. Her desires were simple and naive for some: to smile the way you can, with sincerity and loud laughter, to be who you always wanted to be. Her life is a life of struggle with herself and the world around her, a life in an effort to prove to herself the value of herself.
A child, the one who was born without a soul, a being deprived of a future, hope and faith in himself and others. The image of a child is the image of an instrument of society, the shell that should indulge the desires of the world and its hopes. The one who dies the earliest and most painfully.
People who were people in the brightest manifestation, those who truly shone and gave hope. But I was tormented by the question of what is wrong with them, the desire to be oneself, to go against the flow or maybe nothing. The inside of their suitcase was beautiful in its incomprehensibility, things were alien to this world and absurd, perhaps it was in them that the nature of a human being manifested-a being who does not know himself, but strives to understand others…
Chapter 7.
There was a huge tree near the entrance to Sodom, whose branches hung over the cliff, the wind gently ruffled them like strands of a lover's hair. I sat down under the great Yggdrasil, its greatness gave rise to various thoughts, the most striking was my insignificance, my invisibility and uselessness to the world. The wind brought the smell of the sea and the sun, and a snowflake landed on the nose, simple in shape, but perfect in it.
I decided to open my suitcase for the first time in many years, I decided to open Pandora's box, even if everything turns out to be just hope. The locks clicked loudly, my heart began to pound, and I lifted the lid, which was no longer perfectly white. There was something pinkish-red at the bottom, something small and incomprehensible. I picked it up and realized what it was. Something that combines life and death at the same time, something that could become a man, or could never get out of the cocoon -a human embryo. It showed no signs of life, and there was nothing to show signs of.
My heart calmed down, and so did I. Consciousness, previously clouded by uncertainty, rejoiced with joy. Thoughts were running around in my head like cockroaches in the kitchen. The strongest usami said one simple thought: "man is always incompleteness and infinity, his soul and body are indivisible, as long as you want to be a man. The inferior is revealed precisely in the struggle and constant torment of himself. Life is like water, which has many forms, without having a constant and beloved, because everyone is good in their own way." I am the embryo of a man, not the man himself, in pursuit of a man-myself, I have found only a semblance that cannot even dispose of its right to life. I am lost and found at the same time. I am a man who was afraid of himself and his life, nature and decisions…
I love the cold wind so much.
Dank snow
And the icy sun…
P.S. "An emergency news release, an unidentified corpse of a child, presumably 3-5 years old, was found under the tree of life, the corpse was inside a suitcase. The corpse of a 30-year-old man was found on the banks of the Styx River, no suitcase was found with him... the destruction of the city of Sodom, which will happen today, is the most important event of the new world, unnecessary vessels will definitely be broken and the souls of criminals will be put to death..."
P.S.1. -You know, I thought a lot about the unknown and misunderstood by no one, I tried for a long time to understand the world, although I covered up my inferiority and escape from the world that rejected me. It was only after my exile that I found a reason to live here, in the midst of the unknown.
- And what did you find, a stiff cane?
- You…
- Before dying, did you decide to open your soul to a person that you always knew about it?
- Did you know?!But how?
- So you knew that your soul, like the ocean, is always basking in the rays of my sun…
-...You know, it's terribly sad, because your sun has been shining with dead rays for a long time.
- Your ocean is also no longer a world for everyone, but only a cemetery for debris.
- you don't like to lose, but this time I won…Goodbye, my sun…
- Goodbye, my cemetery…
The end…
Thank you for taking the time to read.